I’ve feel like I’ve reached a turning point in my life. I’ve had a few of these and I think I’ve reached another one. Life is funny. People that meet me know me now or have met me in the past few years think of me differently than people that have known me since I was a kid or a teenager. It’s a little bit jarring.
People say I’m one of the most chilled, laid back guys. Girls say I’m a pretty sweet and nice guy. I guess it’s true, but since I’ve lived with me and been inside my thoughts for my entire life, I know I haven’t always been that way.
For most of my life, I was an angry, emotional person. I spent a lot of time trying to rein in my emotions. I reached a point where I was able to access my emotional switch and turn it off. At least, that’s the way I see it in my head. It is, however, a hard switch to turn back on.
I feel more at peace with myself than I’ve ever felt in my entire life. Yet, it’s not all good. I also feel empty and devoid of emotions at times. But I would prefer feeling this way than being overloaded with emotion.
When I run into people that knew me when I was younger or hang out with them, it’s a bit weird. We each view each other as we were from back in the day. Of course, we’re different now. For myself, I’m more confident, calm, and emotionally centered. My friends are happily married and parents now. I now understand why parents will always view their child as they originally see them. Must be hard wired to the human brain.
Yet even though I feel like I’m a different person now, the core of me will always be the same. I will always have the same values and beliefs. I think for the core to change a great tragedy or catastrophe must happen to you, or you must do something that will shake your very core. I know I’ve both done something I’ve terribly regret and have had things done to me. Those things changed my outlook on life.
And as reflective as I’ve become of late, there’s also a reason why I’ve been drawn to these characters over my entire life.
Sure, I lack their power and money, but I do have their drive, ideals, honor, ego, and beliefs. I’m curious as to where I’ll be next in a few years. Those characters did all go back to being a villain.